What to do when your friends are laid off.
The down economy has hit my personal network of friends in waves. Probably it’s the same for you — or maybe you’re the one who’s pounding the pavement now. Here are three things I do for friends who are hunting for jobs:
1. Open up my network to them.
I would say “open my Rolodex,” but it’s been years since I used the kind with paper cards. These days, it’s my LinkedIn contact list. In fact, when I connect with people on LinkedIn, I limit myself to folks I’d feel comfortable (a) asking for a job or (b) recommending for a job. That way, I can spring into action anytime one of these contacts either goes on the job market or announces that they’re looking to hire someone.
By the way, usually I don’t something casual like “Hey, if I can help, let me know.” I’m much more pointed than that, because I want to make sure I get through to my friends, who are often shell-shocked and fearful about being out of work.
So I say something like this:
“Whenever you’re ready, please make a point of going through my LinkedIn contacts, then send me a list of anyone you’d like to meet so I can make introductions. Please be aggressive about using me as a resource — pester me, even — because I want to see you land in a great new role as soon as possible.”
Although it’s been many years now since I was out of work, I know that knot-in-stomach feeling that goes along with unemployment. Opening up my network so aggressively is meant as an antidote to that feeling for others.
2. Offer them friendly advice on job hunting.
Many highly accomplished professionals are not very accomplished when it comes to looking for work, and so I point them to a series of posts I wrote a couple of years ago on my personal blog. (That was a year before this blog was born.)
I wrote those posts because a handful of friends all happened to be looking for work at the same time, and I wanted to do something helpful for them. In the years since, I’ve pointed more people to those posts than to any others I’ve ever written on that blog. (Come to think of it, it’s probably time for me to revisit and expand on that series here. Do you think that would be useful?)
3. Offer moral support.
This one, I find, is much more effective coming after steps #1 and #2. It’s one thing to tell your friend that you’re sorry she lost her job. No doubt she’ll appreciate your good wishes, but that’s about all she can do with them.
It’s far better, especially during that shock-and-doubt period right after your friend her job, for her to have concrete steps to take: Here, dig through this LinkedIn list and tell me who looks interesting. Here, read these blog posts — they have lots of practical pointers in them. This is the kind of advice that people can digest more easily, I find, than the airy assertions like “Everything will work out for the best” or “You’ll land on your feet in no time.”
Mind you, I’m an optimist: I tend te believe that things will work out for the best, and that my smart, hard-working friends will land on their feet in no time. But it’s more helpful, right up front, to share with them concrete means of achieving that.
Now, over to you: How do you help friends who have been laid off?
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Photo by Egan Snow, used under a CC-Share Alike license.
Category: The working life
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How about I make it personal? How did I help myself when I was laid off? I took full inventory of my skills, set my goals, and gave myself a timeline for achieving them. I networked like crazy, met with people who didn’t have jobs for me per se but were good contacts, and cold called a zillion and one people.Mind you, the economy was different but the environment wasn’t. Brush yourself off, believe in yourself, and then market the crap out of yourself. My grandmother told me that I could do anything that I set my mind to. That advice has carried me through the thick and thin.
Tim,
In addition to you list, I ask them to think about the type of role they want to pursue next AND the list of companies where they would like to work. I try to get them to be very specific so that I and others might help them move quickly into their next role.
Having spent more time than I care to admit on the unemployment line, I’m very familiar with their situation. I always tell them to take advantage of the time off and do something they haven’t had time to do (take a class, travel, etc.) I also encourage them to volunteer: nothing like working in a soup kitchen, or helping handicapped kids, or cleaning cages at the Humane Society to put things in perspective *and* create a sense of self-worth.
Good list of items here. In reference to item two, I think it’s important to make sure they are looking for advice before just handing it out. Most people are already in an agitated state. I’m sure most people would consider this to be common knowledge but I have seen it blow up in the wrong way before. I also like Liz’s take on this. Looking inside at your own skills and goals is huge. Rather than looking like a victim, be proactive.
Thanks for the comments, everyone, and especially for sharing the first-person experiences.
Liz — I agree with everything you say, and in fact your “Brush yourself off…” sentence jibes nicely with the series from my other blog. (Great minds think alike!)
Roy — Specificity is a great friend anytime someone is lost emotionally, which so often happens in the face of joblessness. It’s so much easier to move forward when you’re not psychologically facing the Huge Problem, but rather just doing a straightforward task like sending out a resume or setting up a lunch meeting.
Dan — Good advice. For those who are too broke to travel, this could extend simply to reading books that they’ve always “meant to” read.
Rusty — You make a great point about unsolicited advice. Because I’m a reflexive advice-giver and I don’t want to tread on people’s toes, I often use disclaimers: “Hey, you’re a grown-up and you can make your own way better than I can, but when I’ve been in the same situation, what I’ve done . . .” or “No idea if you could use this kind of thing, but a couple of years ago I wrote some blog posts about job hunting, and a couple of friends told me they were helpful.”
Ideally, it’s about opening the door to possibilities, not about presuming that someone’s going to want to do everything my way.
Tim,
This is good stuff at a challenging time for those looking for their next opportunity. I have been a recruiter for 20+ years and get this request from friends to “help” often… not just in a down economy. I always encourage them to identify as specifically as possible the position within the company that would excite them. If this is realistic given their skillset, then to make a list of actionsteps (names to call and/or write/email) to get an interview with this and similar companies. Then they must make a committment to complete one or more of these actionsteps each day. Securing the next position is a full time job and must be approached as such.
Tim good stuff. My opinion about the economic outlook has been/is clear to you (I tink ?) So to geld the lily more understand that we’re just headed into the downturn and employment is a lagging variable. Geld is not a typo either. With all that in mind I’d suggest step 1 (thru…..N) is help them get their feet back on the ground. Most of us derive a large measure of our self from work. An unexpected layoff is confidence destroying - it makes the Universe groundless as the Buddhists say. A corollary - being po’d and thinking negative thoughts is o.k. You should be. Denial doesn’t do any good. THEN you have to let it go….sigh.
On that note may I recommend “Winning Smart After Loosing Big” and my perennial suckitup favorite “Reflections of a Philosophical Fighter Pilot” to your readers ?
[...] January 6: What to do when your friends are laid off. [...]
This is a great post– thanks for writing it and for all the comments. I was hitting a “low point” today in my job search after being laid off and this helped lift me up. Cheers
[...] put, an upbeat, great guy who I consider a good friend. Some of his recent posts that I enjoyed: What To Do When Your Friends Are Laid Off, The Basic Basics: Thank Someone and Committ to Having Better Problems in 2009. You can also [...]
[...] No doubt I focus on this idea because it’s a struggle for me personally: besides writing this blog, I represent Hoover’s across other social-media outlets, fulfill other Hoover’s duties, try to work ahead toward my Ph.D., field outside projects, spend time with my family, and be a resource for my friends (especially those who are looking for work). [...]
Just wanted to let you know you are speaking to my soul, so much that I submitted an article to several magazines this week on this particular topic. When I was younger I would have been beating myself up about the job market, what will I do next, etc. I am not stupid; of course I am concerned. But it makes absolutely no sense for me to be miserable, deprived and all around unwell at this time. It’s only been a few weeks for me, but at 41 years old, I know that while I’m waiting for the phone to ring after sending out resume after resume, it’s perfectly sane to enjoy the simple, inexpensive pleasure I could not only a month or so ago. A bubblebath in the daytime; going to the grocery store during the day when it’s practically empty instead of packing myself into crowded aisles on a Saturday; getting a full eight hours of sleep every single night just because I can. I download audio books for free from the public library so I can keep the tv off and enjoy something new, fresh and engaging.
While friends of mine (I’m sure) are certain I’ve lost my mind, I just can’t imagine how running around like a chicken with my head cut off would do me any good. I might be unemployed another month or another six, but is it any better to feel and look depleted, anxious and stressed when going to interviews? I think not, so I’ve got to run now. Time for my steam facial. NO matter what I do, the phone isn’t going to ring any faster, so why not be gorgeous, healthy and content while waiting? I start every morning with a delicious breakfast, a good workout, time for prayer and then I’m off and running to the sites. This economy might break my bank, but I’ll be damned if it’ll break my spirits. As Ali would say, I’m just too pretty!
Wow, Patricia — thanks for that comment.
I’m glad you’re keeping your spirits up. Too many people make themselves suffer two ways, first from whatever problem is at hand, but then second from the worry they subject themselves to while they’re having the problem. Better to deal with the actual problem methodically and forthrightly, and skip as much of the anxiety part as you can.
Good luck!
[...] Walker has some great posts on being laid off. Start with What to do when your friends are laid off. I realize it’s from a different perspective but it’s still good information. Then read his [...]